You Wish Upon a Hellmouth
Summary: Angel has lost his soul, Buffy is a woman scorned, guess who shows
Buffy Summers pressed a hand over her eyes and tried to choke back the sobs
that threatened to overwhelm her. She was so tired. Tired of the looks, the
murmers and the general coupleyness that had descended over Sunnydale High.
Sure it was almost Valentine's Day but still, there should be some limits.
*Xander has Cordelia, Willow has Oz, God, even Giles is getting some from
the Gypsy bitch. Everybody but me.* How could they be so happy around her
when she felt so miserable. It just wasn't fair.
The slayer lert out an undignified eep and spun around. She had been so
busy wallowing that she had failed to notice she was no longer alone in the
"Um yeah." Buffy answered rather sheepishly. She studied the girl in front
of her. "I don't think I've seen you around before. Are you new?"
"Yeah, I just moved here. My name's Anya."
"Nice to meet you."
"So, who's the jerk? Does he go to this school?"
Anya began to critically study herself in one of teh mirrors. "Your ex.
Does he go here?"
"Oh, no he's older." Buffy fleetingly wondered shy she was even talking
to this new girl.
Anya idly reapplied her lip gloss. "huh, you'd think men would mature as
they got older."
"Yeah." Buffyreplied weakly.
"Don't you just wish . . ."
Anya sighed impatiently. "Wish . . ." She waved her hands in the air while
the slayer stared blankly at her.
Anya sighed again. "Mortals." She muttered under her breath. "Don't you
wish he could feel the same kind of pain you do over this?" She said louder.
"Yeah, I do."
"They say it."
The demon stared in disbelief at the blonde girl. *Yea Gods, this is the
"Oh." Realization dawned in Buffy's eyes. "You think I should make a wish."
She paused. "What good will that do?"
Anya smiled. *Almost got her.* "It'll be cathartic."
"Well, okay. I wish . . . Hmmm."
"Get on with it!"
"God, give me a minute." Buffy took a deep breath. "Okay, I wish that Angel
would fall completely in love with someone he truly detests so that he could
know how I feel."
Buffy gasped as she watched Anya's features twist into a demonic countenance.
Anyanka chuckled. "Done."
* * * * *
Somewhere across town in an old, supposedly abandoned warehouse, a centuries
old vampire suddenly sat straight up in his bed. He stared blankly at the
black sild sheets that had pooled around his waist. He tried desperatly to
remeber where he was and how he had gotten there and why he was sleeping in
the nude. *I haven't done that since . . . oh shit.* Since he regained his
The memories of the past few weeks came flooding back to him. He remembered
sleeping with Buffy and losing his soul. Somewhere in his mind he knew something
was wrong. He could remember every single sin he had committed yet he felt
very little guilt from it all. Something else occupied the space usually reserved
for brooding, well actually someone.
Angel checked the clock on the nightstand. "Five hours 'til sunset." He
whispered. "Five hours and we'll be together again, my love, my Xander."
Wishes Come True. . .kinda
Summary: Angel’s back, but he’s not interested in Buffy
Rupert Giles looked up from the tome he was translating to see Buffy standing
in the doorway to his office.
"I think I might have done something."
Giles closed the book and turned his full attention to the girl. With one
eyebrow raised he patiently waited for her to continue.
"Okay, see I was in the bathroom and this girl came in and I’d never seen
her before and she said she was new and that her name was Anya and she asked
if I had had a bad breakup ‘cause I was kinda crying and I said yes and she
asked me if I had ever wished that Angel would feel as bad as I do and I
said yes so she said I should say my wish out loud and I did and her face
got all eww and she said done and I think she was evil and do you think this
was bad?" Buffy paused and took a badly needed breath.
The watcher simple stared at his charge for a few moments. Finally he gathered
himself enough to speak. "Pardon?"
After Buffy explained it to Giles again, and almost passed out from lack
of oxygen, he leapt into action and began to consult his books.
Buffy sat nervously at the table wondering what she had started. She was
still figiting uselessly when Willow entered the library.
"Hey ev. . . Ohhh, research!" Willow's eyes lit up. "What are we looking
for? Prophecy? Demon?"
"The latter." Giles said absently. "It would appear that Buffy met some
sort of Wish Demon today."
"Wish Demon?" Willow looked at the slayer.
Buffy took a deep breath and launched into her story for the third time.
"Wow." The redhead said when she finished. "Do you think your wish came
"That is a distinct possibility." Giles said. "Buffy, what did you say she
"I believe I have."
Buffy stood up. "Okay, so who is she and how do I slay her?"
"Her name is Anyanka and you don’t."
"She’s gone Buffy. She leaves after her work is completed."
"Her work?" Willow asked.
"Yes, Anyanka is the Patron Saint of Scorned Women. I imagine that’s why
she wanted your wish to center around Angel. Um, what exactly did you wish
"Something painful?" Willow's eyes had a strange glint in them.
The slayer scrunched her face and thought. "Uh, I think I wished that Angel
would fall in love with someone he totally detests so he would know what
it feels like to love a jerk." She sniffed delicately.
Giles’s eyebrow raised again. "Detests?"
"It was on a vocab test last week." Buffy said defensively. "What? I can't
absorb the knowledge?"
"Yes, well, um . . ."
"Oh Buffy!" Willow practically squealed. "This could be good. Who does Angel
Buffy’s face lit up. "Me, he hates me!"
"Exactly." The hacker looked quite proud of herself.
The two girls looked at the watcher in surprise.
"Angelus hates you Buffy, not Angel."
The blonde frowned. "Your point?"
The watcher sighed, he could feel a headache coming on. "Angel and Angelus
are two separate people that happen to occasionally share the same body. If
what you said just then is indeed what you wished . . ."
"Then the spell is going to be on Angel." Willow finished.
"Well, how do we break it?" Buffy’s voice contained a hint of desperation.
She didn’t want to think of her boyfriend, the sweet, souled vampire, in love
with someone else.
"I’m not so certain that we should." Giles said carefully.
"What do you mean? Angel has to love me. We have to break the spell."
"Buffy, I understand how you feel, but if what we hypothesize is correct
then Angel has most likely regained his soul and will keep it as long as this
spell is in effect." Giles paused. "I propose that we leave Anyanka’s spell
in place until we can find the original curse."
Buffy thought about this carefully. What Giles had said did make sense. Angelus
was dangerous and she had enough trouble dealing with Spike and Dru. "I guess
you're right." She tried to cheer herself. "It’s not like anythings gonna
happen anyway. I mean whoever he hates probably hates him right back and
the spell only effects Angel. Right?"
Giles returned to his text for a moment. "Yes."
"Then there you go. We’ll work extra hard to find the curse and then everything
will be fine." Buffy said, more to reassure herself then anything else.
"I wonder who it is." Willow said pensively.
Giles glanced out the window at the rapidly setting sun. "I expect we should
Buffy followed his gaze. "Do you think we should go out and look for him.
He might be confused and most of the people he doesn’t like are pretty gruesome."
Willow nodded. "Yeah, except for Xander. . .Oh my God. You don’t think.
Buffy stared at her friend in horror while Giles cleared his throat and
summed up their feelings with two simple words.
* * * * *
Xander Harris morosely sipped his mocha as he wondered for the umpteenth
time why he had bothered coming to the Bronze that night.
*Oh yeah, 'cause I’m whipped* He looked at his supposed girlfriend, sitting
at the other side of the room. Cordelia was once again surrounded by her
snobby group of friends. Every once and awhile she would glance over at him
to make sure he was still there, like he would ever leave. She had told him
of a certain signal he should look for and the closet they would meet at
if he saw it. *Yep, Xander the boytoy, that’s me* That thought used to fill
him with excitement but this time he felt rage spreading through him instead.
Filled with self righteous anger he grabbed his jacket and got up to leave.
Cordelia chose that moment to look at him and a frown passed over her features.
*Where the hell does he think he’s going?* Giving her friends a quick excuse
she hurried after Xander.
He had made it outside and to the corner of the building when she caught
up with him.
"Where are you going? I’m not ready to leave yet." Cordelia stood with her
hands on her hips. *This had better be good or I’m not getting into any confined
spaces with him for a . . . day at least.*
"Oh, you're not ready to leave." Xander's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Well,
"Xander," She was beginning to get annoyed. "Come back inside. It’s still
early, you can go later."
"So you're saying I can’t go now?" Anger had made his eyes hard and dark.
They glittered in the moonlight. "Lets make this perfectly clear. You don’t
own me. I am not the personal property of Cordelia Chase."
"I didn't mean. . ."
"Shut up. For once in your life you are going to shut your mouth and listen
Cordelia's mouth snapped shut. She had never seen Xander this angry before.
"I want more Cordelia. More than just an occasional grope in a closet or
the backseat of your car. I want to hold your hand in public. I want to go
on an actual date with you and not have to worry who's going to see us together."
He paused and took a deep breath, trying to regain control of his emotions.
"But that’s not gonna happen." He took a step toward Cordelia and stared
into her shocked face. "I don’t know what kind of thrill you get from slumming,
but you can find it elsewhere. We’re over." He turned on his heel, preparing
to stalk off when a sound made him freeze.
Someone was clapping from the shadows. "Bravo Xander. I must say the backbone
look suits you."
The two teenagers instantly recognized the voice. Fear gripped them as Angel
stepped out into the light of a streetlamp.
Xander produced a cross from one of his pockets and held it out towards the
vampire. "Run." He said to Cordelia between gritted teeth. "Get Buffy."
Cordelia wavered for an instant. She did care for Xander and didn’t want
to leave him alone with the monster but she also realized that neither one
of them would have much of a chance without the slayer. She ran from the
alley, moving faster then she ever thought she could.
Xander was shaking but he held his ground. He needed to give Cordelia as
much time as he could.
"What do you want Deadboy?"
Angel cocked his head to the side. "You." He said softly.
Xander tightened his grip on the cross. "Buffy’s right inside, she's gonna
be out here any second."
"Buffy’s not inside Xander. Cordelia ran off towards the high school." Angel's
eyes stayed firmly fixed on the mortal's face. "You can put the cross down,
I'm not going to hurt you."
"Well excuse me if I don't trust the word of a soulless demon."
"I’m not soulless anymore. I got it back."
"And I’m supposed to believe you because?"
In a split second Angel transversed the space between them, knocked the
cross from Xander’s hand and pinned the boy against the brick wall. "Because,"
His voice was low and husky. "If I was still Angelus you’d be dead by now."
Xander had never been this close to Angel before, only a few inches separated
their faces. His body was trapped between the vampire’s and the wall. Suddenly
the phrase caught between a rock and a hard place entered his head and nervous
laughter bubbled up from inside him.
Angel curiously watched the boy, entranced by the look on his face. Without
really realizing it Angel pressed his body closer to the mortal’s.
Xander immediately sobered. "Okay, I'm still breathing. Your Soulboy again.
I believe you. Now can you let me go?"
"No." The combination of Xander’s fear, sweat and aftershave made for a
heady scent. Angel’s attention was drawn to Xander's lips and to the pink
tongue that darted out to nervously wet them.
"Uh, Deadboy. You gonna let me go or what?"
Angel smiled. "What." He whispered before he captured the mortal’s lips
with his own.
Xander’s body tensed at the contact, his mind screamed at him to do something.
He began to struggle, not that it did much good against the vampire’s strength.
Angel ran his tongue over the boy’s lips, taking notice of the shudder he
produced. He delved back into the kiss, this time using his tongue to part
Xander’s lips and teeth to gain access to his hot, wet mouth. Angel called
on his centuries of experience and slowly, seductively began to explore.
Xander’s movements had stilled at the addition of this new sensation. He
could feel Angel’s slightly cold tongue stroking against his, drawing him
into the contact. *Cordy never kissed like this.* The thought of his girlfriend
snapped him harshly back to reality. He couldn’t be enjoying this. He was
NOT gay! Xander resumed struggling, desperate to get away from the conflicting
emotions rushing through his mind. His efforts accomplished something this
time. Angel started to get hard.
When he felt Angel’s erection press against his hip, A strange sound came
out of his occupied mouth. Even he wasn’t sure what it meant. He did know
that unless this ended soon he was going to find himself in a similar situation
and that thought scared him. He couldn’t be getting turned on by this. Not
Then it was over. Angel pulled away from Xander’s mouth. The vampire had
heard the others enter the alley. He hadn’t wanted to stop the kiss but he
was sure the Watcher would have questions for him. Angel turned and faced
the openmouthed stares of the other members of the Scooby Gang.
Careful What You Wish For
Summary: The gang finds out about Angel’s new obsession.
“Oh. . . my. . . God. . .”
Buffy had witnessed many shocking things since becoming a vampire slayer
but nothing could have prepared her for what she had just seen. Her boyfriend
had been kissing another man, no, correction, her boyfriend had been sticking
his tongue down another man’s throat.
The vampire smiled complacently. “Hi Buffy, Willow, Rupert. . . Cordelia.”
He added a bit of venom to that last name. The thought of his Xander with
that bitch made his borrowed blood boil.
The May Queen was undaunted by the vampire. “What the hell do you think
you’re doing with my boyfriend!?”
“He’s not your boyfriend.” Angel said defensively. “If I remember correctly
he dumped you, right here, not more then ten minutes ago.”
Fury marred Cordelia’s features as she tried to sputter out a response.
Giles, having decided that it might be prudent to intervene, said, “I’m
sure we all have a lot to. . . discuss, so, why don’t we move this. . . conversation
to the library.”
Willow numbly nodded while Cordelia continued to fume.
“I agree.” Angel said. “What do you think shmoopie?” He asked Xander.
“Shmoopie! He never called me shmoopie!” Buffy said shrilly.
Giles allowed himself a non-American, completely British eye roll and waited
for the boy’s answer.
When uncustomary silence was all that followed five pairs of eyes turned
to the dark haired teenager.
Xander was doing a fairly decent impersonation of Oz. He simply blinked
at his fellow Slayerettes
“Uh, right. Perhaps we should go now.” Giles was concerned by the boy’s
unXanderlike behavior. He had been expecting yelling, screaming, and at
least one pointy wooden thing aimed at Angel’s chest.
The walk back to the high school was nothing if not tense. Angel refused
to leave Xander’s side which made Cordelia all the more petulant. Buffy was
stealing little glances at her boyfriend while trying to maintain her brave
slayer image, which was increasingly hard to do with her constantly breaking
down into tears.
Giles wasn’t the only one worried about Xander’s behavior. Willow was keeping
a close eye on her childhood friend. She absently patted the Slayer’s back
while trying to figure out how many ho-hos Xander was going to need in the
Giles brought up the rear, dividing his attention equally among the vampire
and the four teenagers. No matter what happened, one thing was sure. This
was going to be an interesting night.
and Hoping. . . and Crying and Screaming
“So you’re saying I don’t really love Xander.”
“And the only reason I think I love him is because some demon put a spell
“And in actuality Xander and I can’t stand to be around each other.”
“I think that just about sums it up.” Giles nervously adjusted his glasses.
“Do you have any questions Angel?”
The vampire thought for a moment. “Just one. Is this some kind of a joke?”
Giles looked confused. “I don’t follow.”
“Because if it is, it really isn’t funny. Now, where did Xander go? I
miss my little blood muffin.”
“Blood muff. . .” Giles sighed. “I think we need to go over the whole
demon-spell thing again.
Willow and Xander were sitting in an unlocked classroom, far away from the
library. Giles had said it might be best to keep Xander separate from Angel
for the time being so Willow volunteered to stay with her friend. Cordelia
had decided to go home, muttering something about what did she expect to happen
when she hung out with losers.
Buffy had wanted to stay in the library but Giles suggested she patrol instead.
Willow felt extreme pity for any vampire the pissed off slayer might encounter.
Willow turned her attention back to Xander. He still hadn’t spoken, or
eaten for that matter. As soon as they got to the school she had raided the
vending machines. The fact that Xander hadn’t even tried to get at the chocolate
before him worried her immensely.
“He kissed me.”
Xander’s voice startled Willow out of her thoughts.
“I know.” She said.
“He put his tongue in my mouth.”
Willow tried to choose her words carefully. “I know it must have been a
horrible. . .”
“I liked it.”
“. . . Experience, but in time you’ll forget all about it and I’m sorry
but what did you just say?”
Xander looked his oldest friend in the eye. “I liked it.”
Willow stared at him for a moment. “That’s nice.” She said finally.
“Well, I’m sorry! I’m still kinda reeling here.”
“Yeah, well I’m not exactly ‘Mr. mental stability’ right now myself.” He
ran a hand through his short dark hair. “God Wills, what’s wrong with me?”
Willow sighed. “Nothing’s wrong with you Xander.”
Xander let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “Willow, did you hear what I said?
I liked kissing Angel. A guy, a vampire guy who until a few weeks ago was
dating one of my best friends and until a few hours ago was a remorseless
killer. I mean the whole being gay, which I am NOT by the way, thing aside.
. . it’s like some kind of wierd-ass Halloween episode of Melrose Place.
Not that I watch Melrose Place!”
“It’s not true.”
“Angel, I assure you, it is very true. Do you want me to show you the text
“No.” The vampire rose from his chair and began to pace.
Giles watched him carefully. “I understand how confusing this must be for
Angel stopped and stared at the watcher. “Do you? You might be able to
sympathize but you don’t understand.” He sank back into his chair. “You’re
telling me that every single feeling, every impusle, every memory even, concerning
Xander is false. Logistically I understand, but I can’t deny what I feel.”
“Those feelings aren’t real.”
“Yes they are. Twisted reality is still reality, and this is real, whether
you or. . . Buffy want to admit it.”
Giles stared at the far wall, mulling over what the vampire had said. "Maybe
you’re right, and I’m sure to you your feelings are very real, but you can’t
let yourself be ruled by them.” He focused his attention back to the vampire.
“If this thing only affected you I’d say bugger off and do what you’d like.
But, this doesn’t just affect you. The object of your current obsession
is only a seveteen-year-old boy, and if he wasn’t already unsure about his
sexuality, as most adolescent males are, then he sure as hell is now.”
“But I. . .”
“What? Love him? If you truly love him Angel, then you will respect his
wishes and leave him alone.”
“Maybe this is a good thing.”
“Good thing!? Willow, have you been paying attention? I’ve spent the last
five minutes rattling off why this is so not a good thing.”
Willow leaned forward and gently touched Xander’s cheek. “I’ve been paying
attention, just not to your words.” She paused for a moment. “How long
have you been attracted to Angel?”
Xander’s chocolatey eyes widened. “What?”
Willow let out a small laugh. “Xander, I’ve known you since kindergarten.
I can tell when you like somebody. I just can’t believe I didn’t see it
“I do not like Deadboy!” Xander said impudently.
Willow gave him a little smile and squeezed his hand. “The only way you
are going to get through this or move beyond it or whatever is to confront
what you feel and what happened and the only way to do that is to talk to
“I don’t want to.”
“Give me one good reason.”
Xander stared morosely at her. “I’m afraid.”
“Are you sure that’s what he wants?”
Giles frowned. “What?”
“For me to leave him alone. Are you sure that’s what Xander wants?”
“Well of course it is.”
“Then prove it.”
Giles frown deepened as confusion set in. “What do you mean?”
“Bring him here.” Angel raised his hand to silence Giles before he could
object. “If he can look me in the eye and tell me to my face that he doesn’t
reciprocate any of my feelings, then I’ll leave him alone. I won’t go within
twenty feet of him until the spell is broken.”
“All right.” Giles stood. “I’ll get Xander.”
you Weren’t Here
Summary: Willow shares a secret, Xander shares a big secret, Giles has a
solution and Xander makes a decision
Willow took both of Xander’s hands into her own and looked deep into his
eyes. “I know it was a big thing for you to tell me that you liked the kiss.
So, I’ve decided to share one of my secrets with you.”
Xander waited patiently as Willow took a deep breath. “When I saw you and
Angel. . . kissing. I, um, well I got a tingly feeling in my stomach.”
“It made you want to barf?”
“No! A good tingle.”
“I liked it Xander.”
“Oh.” Xander’s brow was furrowed in confusion. Slowly he realized her
implication. “Oh.” He said again.
Willow gave him a small, shy smile. “Just the idea of two cute guys together.
. . well, it kinda turns me on.”
Xander stared at her in partial shock. He couldn’t believe his Willow had
been thinking about things like that, let alone that she had actually been
able to say it out loud.
“How long have you. . .?” He asked.
Her cheeks were already bright red but somehow she managed to blush more.
“Well, one day while I was surfing the web I found this slash fan fiction
site. I started reading it and I realized I really liked it.”
“Male and male.”
Willow squeezed his hands. “That doesn’t make me a pervert or a bad person
Xander. Okay, so I don't fit into the mold of conventional society, but
is that so bad? I don’t mind being different and neither should you.”
Xander smiled wanly at her. “I appreciate you telling me, I know it probably
wasn’t easy for you.”
Willow shrugged. “So, did it work? Do you feel any better?”
“Well, it’s definitely reassuring to know that to the world at large I’m
not the only freak in this room.” He smiled to let her know he was joking.
“And what about Angel?”
Xander’s smile disappeared.
Willow sighed. “This isn’t just going to go away Xander. As long as this
spell is in place Angel is going to be head over heels in love with you.
And, the spell is going to be in place until we can find the original curse.
Now, you have two choices. You can either ignore your feelings and spend
the foreseeable future in abject misery or you can confront both your feelings
and Angel and figure out what the hell is going on.”
“Abject misery doesn't sound that bad.”
“I can’t talk to him.”
“He’s not going to hurt you Xander.”
“Yes he will.”
“Xander, he’s totally in love with you. In fact I shudder to think what
he might do to someone who did threaten you.”
Xander shook his head. “I know he’s not going to physically hurt me Willow.
I wasn’t talking about that.” He got up and began to move around the room.
“Okay, I guess it’s truth time. I mean an English classroom is just as
good a place to bear you’re soul as any, right?”
He stopped beside the blackboard and shoved his hands into his pockets.
“I am attracted to Angel. I have been for a long time. It scared me. I
wanted to be normal, and having wet dreams about a male vampire is definitely
not normal, I don’t care how liberal you are. Besides, he belonged to Buffy.
So I repressed, or some kind of fancy psychology term. I ignored my feelings,
buried them, and fully devoted myself to my growing Playboy collection.
I don't’ know, I guess I thought if I looked at enough naked women I could
push out the memory of Angel in a tank top.
And it’s not like my three-dimensional love life was much better. Every
girl I found myself really attracted to turned out to be a monster. Let’s
not forget Praying Mantis lady and Mummy girl.”
“Not every girl, there’s Cordelia.” Willow said.
Willow frowned. “Okay, so you like Angel. I’m still not seeing the bad
in the current situation.”
Xander sighed. “Why is Angel in love with me Willow?”
“I already told you, Buffy made a wish and a demon granted it.”
“And what did Buffy wish for.”
“That Angel would fall in love with someone he. . .” Willow trailed off.
“With someone he detests, right.” Xander finished. “This isn’t going to
last forever Willow. Ms. Calender is going to find the curse, Buffy’s going
to break the spell and everything is going to go back to normal including
Angel’s feelings towards me.”
“Oh Xander.” Willow went to her friend and wrapped him into a hug.
“At least now I know how he really feels.” He said softly. “I don’t have
to waste anymore time hoping that he might. . .”
A sharp knock made them break apart. Willow opened the door to reveal a
very tired looking Giles.
“How are things in here.” He asked them.
Willow glanced at Xander. “We’re okay.”
“Good, good.” He turned to the boy. “And you, are you alright?”
“I’m fine Giles.” He said. “I was just a little shaken, that’s all.”
“Good.” He said again. “I think I may have a way to resolve this, at least
where you’re concerned.”
“Oh?” Xander somehow managed to keep his face impassive.
“Angel is still completely convinced of his feelings toward you, so much
so that he is willing to respect your wishes. He has said that if you tell
him, to his face, that you don’t have any romantic feelings for him then
he will leave you alone.”
Willow, who had been very closely watching her friend, suddenly grabbed Giles’s
arm and herded him back through the door. “Go on back to the library. We’ll
be there in a few minutes.” She reentered the room and found Xander gently
beating his head against the blackboard. He looked at her.
“Oh God, I don’t know if I can do this.” He said, his brown eyes shinning.
“Yes you can.” Willow said firmly. “You are going to go down to the library,
march right up to Angel, look him in the eye. . .”
“And lie.” Xander said simply.
Dream is a Wish Your Demon Makes
Summary: Angel and Xander work things out
Xander and Willow stood side by side looking down the long hall to the library.
On the other side of the double doors a souled vampire anxiously waited
for the boy.
“I can’t do this.” Xander said nervously clenching and unclenching his
fists. After a second he turned to his friend. “Well?”
“I say I can’t do this then you say, sure you can Xander.”
“Oh, okay. Sure you can Xander.”
“Gee Will, you’re bowling me over with your confidence.”
Willow looked up seriously at her friend. “You know how I feel about the
“You think I should be honest with him.”
She sighed and squeezed her friend’s hand. “It doesn’t really matter what
“It does to me.”
“Okay, then yes. I do.”
“But honesty can lead to pain. Pain is bad.”
“So is living a lie. So is subjecting yourself to unwarranted torment.”
She gave Xander a tiny smile. “I know how cliched this is gonna sound but,
life is short. . . And considering where we live and the extra curricular
activities we normally take part in ours will probably be shorter then most.”
Xander rolled his eyes. “Way to plunge me into suicidal depression, Will.”
The redhead blushed. “Sorry, but you know what I mean.”
“Okay, but there’s still one thing, or more like one person. Me and Cordy
are pretty much over, but Buffy and Angel. . .”
“I really think the whole him-losing-his-soul-after-sleeping-with-her-thing
put a damper on their relationship.”
“Yeah, but you saw how she was. She still loves him.”
Willow frowned. “You know how clingy she can be, besides, this isn’t about
Buffy. This is about you. If you want I’ll talk to her. I really think
this is for the best anyhow. I mean a relationship between a vampire and
a slayer, that sounds like something a crackwhore would dream up.”
Xander looked at his friend in shock. “Willow! I didn’t know you even
knew words like that.”
The hacker gave him a knowing smile and said. “I guess we’re all learning
new things tonight.”
“I don’t know if this is the wisest thing to do.” Giles said violently
cleaning his glasses.
Angel sighed, or at least tried to, it had been several weeks since he had
properly brooded and he was out of practice. “Am I going to have to explain
this to you again?”
“N-no no, I understand the logic and this may be the best option for you
but there are many, many extenuating circumstances involved here.”
“I’m aware of all of them.”
Giles stopped polishing his lenses for a moment and gave the vampire a hard
stare. “I will not allow you to hurt him. Do you understand?”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you Rupert.” Angel said giving the
Watcher a tiny nod.
At that moment the double doors swung open admitting the two teens to the
library. For a few seconds the four of them just stood there staring at
each other. Finally Giles cleared his throat.
“Um yes, well. . . Willow, I think we have some place to be.”
She nodded emphatically. “Right, somewhere. . . that’s not here.” She
squeezed Xander’s hand one more time before following Giles out into the
Xander took a deep breath and faced the vampire. “Deadboy.”
“So.” Angel nervously played with the hem of his velvet shirt. “Um, h-how
have you been?”
“Uh. . . okay. . . And you?”
“Pretty good. . . Well, except for that whole soul-losing thing.”
“Yeah, that must’ve sucked.” Xander’s eyes widened as he realized what he
had said. “Uh, I mean that must have been really bad.”
“Actually you pretty much nailed it the first time.” Angel allowed himself
a small smile.
Xander blinked at him a few times. “Yeah. . . Anyway, I’m here to tell you
I don’t like you, so, I don’t like you. Okay, bye.” He turned on his heel
wanting nothing else then to get the hell out of there.
“Why are you lying?”
“What?” Xander stopped fast, and faced the vampire.
“You’re lying.” Angel’s face was as passive as every but his eyes were
“Am not.” Xander mentally slapped himself for regressing into a ten-year-old.
“Xander, I can tell when a person’s lying. Your heart rate and breathing
changes.” He pointed to himself. “Vampire, remember? We’re like lie detectors
“I’m not lying.”
“Then tell me you didn’t like that kiss.”
“I didn’t.” Xander said emphatically.
“You are really annoying me Deadboy.”
“You did like that kiss Xander, I could feel it. Why are you refusing to
tell me the truth?” Angel thought for a moment. “Or maybe you’re not just
lying to me, maybe you’re lying to yourself.”
“That’s it. I’m outta here.”
“Do you hate me that much?”
“What?” Xander spun back around and found Angel watching him with an unreadable
“I’d really like to know.”
Xander had to take a few steadying breaths before he dared answer. “I don’t
hate you Angel.” He said softly. “But you hate me.”
“I don’t usually kiss people I hate Xander.” The vampire scoffed.
“Okay maybe this you doesn’t hate me.” The teen consented. “But the real
“This *is* the real me.”
The mortal shook his head. “No, this is the spelled version of you. As
soon as they find your curse the spell will be broken and you’ll be back to
“Maybe I don’t want to be normal, and maybe I’ve decided I don’t want the
spell to be broken.”
“That’s not your decision to make.”
Angel arched an eyebrow. “I’m a big vampire, Xander. I can make my own
choices in life, and since this spell only effects me it is ultimately my
choice. I’ve already discussed it with Giles. He’s not overly happy but
I think a lot of that is because he feels so protective of you.”
“But this isn’t real.” Xander desperately tried to ignore the tiny glimmer
of hope that had manifested itself in his heart.
“God, there’s that word again!” The normally stoic vampire threw his hands
up in desperation. “Real, what’s real?”
“Real is you being madly in love with Buffy and cringing every time I come
within ten feet of you.”
“Wrong, that used to be real.” Angel unconsciously moved closer to the
boy. “I learned a long time ago that reality is what you make of it. When
I was your age my reality was being the lazy, pompous son of an Irish nobleman
and that’s the way it stayed until the night I was turned. After that, reality
for me became being a soulless monster, then I came across a particular band
of Gypsies and it changed again. You can’t live life on pause Xander, you
know, pick one moment in time and spend your entire existence in it with
nothing changing. Life doesn’t work that way. You adjust. You adapt.
You move on.”
“But Buffy?” Xander had to say her name.
“Will have to learn that.” Sadness flashed over his face as he thought of
his former love, but all his guilt vanished under the brown eyed gaze of
the boy in front of him. “I’m not incompetent. I’m completely aware of
my faculties and of what I’m saying. I want the spell to stay.”
“Even if it means staying in love with me?” The mortal could feel the beginnings
of a smile tugging at the corner’s of his mouth.
“It’s not *that* bad.” Angel gave him a small smile which quickly disappeared.
“Unless you’d rather. . .”
Xander pressed his lips against those of the vampire effectively ending the
conversation. They both fell into the kiss, letting everything else in the
world melt away. Their minds so clouded by the sweet acceptance of their
mutual passion that neither man noticed the tiny blonde slayer watching them
from the stacks.