The Wacky

Summary: Angel’s in a trunk, these are his thoughts.


Love makes you do the wacky.

I think Willow originally coined that phrase. Yeah, it sounds like her, concise, to the point but with a twist.

Wacky is certainly a word that could be used to describe my current situation. Here I am, a two hundred forty something year old vampire locked in the trunk of a Cadillac with my eighteen year old mortal lover behind the wheel, happily cruising down some highway in California.

Yep, wacky pretty much sums it up.

But I’m happy, or as happy as I can be locked in a trunk. I understand though. Xander thought it would look strange if he waited until sundown to leave and as far as everyone else is concerned I left after Graduation. I do have to laugh when I wonder what their reactions would be if they found out we were leaving together, let alone sleeping together.

Giles would probably think Xander had been possessed. Willow would be shocked by the supposedly uncharacteristic behavior of her former best friend. Hell, we might even garner an eyebrow raise from Oz. Okay, I admit I’m reaching with that, but he would probably blink a few extra times.

Buffy? Well, I don’t want to think about what her reaction might be. I’ve seen the slayer jealous, it’s not a pretty sight.

I can hear Xander singing along with the radio. I think I recognize the song from one of Buffy’s attempts to immerse me in pop culture.

Crash and burn, All the stars explode tonight.
How’d you get so desperate, How’d you stay alive?
Help me please, Burn the sorrow from your eyes.
Oh come on be alive again, Don’t lay down and die.

H-something. It’s one of those one word bands.

Get well soon, Please don’t go any higher.
How are you so burnt when you’re barely on fire?
Cry to the Angels, I’m gonna rescue you
I’m gonna set you free tonight, baby, Pour over me.

Great, I can’t remember and now it’s going to bug me all day.

...And the sun goes down, I watch you slip away.
And the sun goes down, I walk into the waves.
And I knew, Love would tear you apart.
And I knew, The darkest secret of your heart.

I’ll just ask Xander when I get out of here. He knows the words so he probably knows who’s singing them.

Oceans of Angels, Oceans of stars.
Down by the sea is where you drown your scars.

I wonder if I can telepathically tell him to switch to a classical station, or even classic rock, that could work.

I can’t be near you, The light just radiates.
I cant be near you, The light just radiates. . .

Nope, telepathy didn’t work. But at least the song’s over. . .and listen to that another one’s just started. I can hardly contain my joy.

Ba wit ta ba de bang de bang boogie. . .

Oh God, it’s going to be a long day.


Traveling the Length of Your Body Each Night
Summary: Angel gives Xander a special wake-up call


I love watching him sleep. His long, thick lashes resting against his pale skin. The slow, steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathes. He looks so peaceful, so beautiful, so mine.

Since we began this little road trip I’ve found myself really looking at him, trying to see more of what’s behind the sardonic grin and melancholic eyes. I want to know everything about him

I admit, sometimes I still have trouble believing it. I mean me and Xander Harris? I’m positive that somewhere some higher being is laughing it’s ass off. But, I’m happy and he’s happy and that’s all that really matters to me right now.

I love it when’s Xander’s happy. His whole face just lights up. I remember thinking that Buffy was like sunshine, well compared to Xander she’s a filtered lightbulb.

Sometimes I worry about him though. Four nights after we left Sunnydale I found him just sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of this old inn we were staying at. His face had a scrunched Buffy-type look on it so naturally I was concerned. When I asked him what was wrong he gave me a sheepish look and said he was making a memory. The way he said it made my heart ache. Someone so young shouldn’t think of joy as such a precious commodity.

He never talks about his home life and I’m glad. I’m afraid what I would do to his parents if some of my suspicions were confirmed. If I ever find out either one of them laid a hand on him in anger. . . well, lets just say I would forget I was soulboy for a little while.

Soulboy. Great, now I’m starting to think like him.

That little episode with psycho bitch, oops. . . I mean Faith, didn’t help him any. I don’t think he remembers any of the nightmares he had but I sure as hell do.

It was the second time we were together. He had fallen asleep in my arms and I was doing basically what I am now, just watching him. A slight ache in my veins told me that I needed to feed so I carefully removed him from me and got out of the bed. I was halfway to the door when I heard him call out her name. I can’t really describe how I felt at that moment. I had already fallen for him, hard. Part of me wanted to cry and see the sunrise one last time. The demon in me wanted to rage against her and, I’m ashamed to say, against him.

Then he said the word that if my heart had been beating would have stopped it cold. He said no.

Oh, I’ve heard him use the word no before and I’ll definitely hear him use it again, but that time is seared in my memory. See, he didn’t really say it as much as whimper it. I don’t think I had ever heard his voice sound so weak or scared. Then he started to shake as his hands began clawing at his throat.

That shook me out of whatever shock I was in. I rushed back to the bed and tried to take him into my arms but he thrashed against me. I gave up trying to be gentle and forcibly restrained him, pinning his arms against the headboard. I was really afraid he would hurt himself trying to remove the phantom hands from around his neck. Throughout all of this I talked to him. Truthfully I babbled, little nonsensical things meant to calm, to reassure. After what seemed like an eternity, but was most likely only a few minutes, he stilled. I released his wrists as his breathing returned to normal. Whatever it was, it was over. I don’t know how long I sat there on the edge of the bed tensely waiting for it to start again.

Now, I have memories of doing many horrible things to many people. Xander firmly states that that was not me, that I had no control over what happened. I still remember though, and nothing Angelus had ever dreamed of doing compared with what I wanted to do to Faith.

Of course she got to me first, poison arrow and all that. Buffy was the one who got the extreme pleasure of spilling her blood, even if she did do a piss poor job of the whole thing. I mean putting her into a coma? It’s really not that hard to stab someone to death, believe me. Of course we are talking about Buffy so. . . That’s wrong of me. She did save my life, or unlife if you want to be technical.

Xander hasn’t had one of the nightmares in over a week. I never told him about them. He doesn’t need to know. Overprotective? Maybe, but I’ve been called worse.

He’s dreaming now. I can see his eyes moving behind his lids. Soft mummers are coming out of his mouth. His head turns slightly and suddenly the nerve endings in my skin come alive as I feel his hot breath against my chest.

My mouth twists into a wicked smile as I firmly decide that sleepy time is over.

On the one hand I don’t want to wake him, but we can't have any real fun unless we’re both conscious. I lean down and brush my lips against his. He makes a soft little noise and burrows deeper into the covers. Chuckling slightly I move my mouth to his ear, one of his *good* spots, and suckle the lobe.

That did it. His body shifts and I slip my hand under the blankets and begin to stroke him. Those deep, chocolately eyes open and focus on me.

“Angel.” I swear he purrs as his body arches into my hand. “Is there a specific reason you’re molesting me in my sleep?”

“Didn’t know I needed a reason.” I said leaning down to kiss him. His arms wrap around me followed shortly by his legs. The blankets end up on the floor again and he and I end up in our usual tangle.

We’ve been together for a few weeks now but he still gets the most amazed look on his face whenever we make love. His fingers press into my shoulders as he pushes his head back into the pillow. His body’s practically humming.

I had always thought Xander was attractive. I think that’s why I used to get so jealous of the time Buffy spent with him, back when I was all obsessed over her. But looking down at him, that hot and fevered body under mine, those big brown eyes darkened by lust, I can’t believe I had ever seen Xander as anything less then the beautiful man he was.

“Angel.” My name comes out of his mouth as a moan and I press in deeper while showering his face with kisses. I’ve always prided myself on being an attentive lover, knowing what my partners want without them having to say a word. Xander may like to be fucked senseless but above all else he wants affection.

The bed makes protesting noises as our bodies move faster. The Catholic still left in me gives thanks that the hotel we’re in is basically empty.

I’m close and so is he. With another thrust I look down at him and whisper. “I love you Xander.”

For a second there’s nothing then sweet oblivion washes over both of us.

“God Deadboy. You make one hell of an alarm clock.” He grins at me and so help me, I grin back.


Flats and Fangs
Summary: The boys have some car troubles  


Xander was not happy. Normally that wouldn’t have been a problem for him, he had been pretty much conditioned for unhappiness, but after spending the last week and a half in contented bliss he did not like this emotional backtracking.

The teenager smiled in spite of himself as he thought about the last eleven days. The first two days had been spent driving, Xander during the day and Angel at night. Only after they had put two states between them and Sunnydale did they really start to relax.

As soon as they found a nice hotel the unusual couple settled in for a week. Xander was actually getting to like vampire hours. It was so much easier waking up at five in the afternoon then five in the morning. Of course, the fact that he woke every day firmly snuggled in Angel’s arms might have had something to do with his new affinity for regaining consciousness.

But something had to happen. It was the law of averages. Angel had decided he wanted to go to Kansas City for some kind of festival he had heard about. Xander had volunteered to drive through the day so that they would get to the city around sunset. Somewhere in the middle of Wyoming one of their tires picked up a nail. Because the trunk was occupied by a rather large vampire there hadn’t really been room for a spare so they were basically stranded.

Xander knew that compared to some of the things he had faced in the past a flat tire should barely be a blip on his bad things radar but it still upset him. Standing around for four hours waiting for the sun to set definitely hadn’t improved his mood.

According to the map there was a small town a few miles from their current position. Xander had volunteered to find a garage and return with a tow truck but Angel had dismissed that idea. He didn’t like the thought of the boy going off alone.

Xander had secretly gushed that the vampire was so worried about his safety. However, any mushy feelings he had did not prevent his Y chromosome from making an appearance and saying quite decisively that he was an adult and he didn’t need any Deadboys to hold his hand. That comment started an argument, which to an outsider would have looked pretty strange, Xander yelling at the trunk of his car and the trunk yelling back.

Finally the teen agreed to stay put until it was safe for Angel to emerge. Xander sat on the ground in a huff and thoroughly ignored any additional attempts at conversation. After a while he calmed down and began to gently stroke the bumper of the car as he watched the sun’s too slow decent behind a grove of trees.

After the reddish orb had all but disappeared Xander got out his keys and unlocked the trunk. Angel climbed out and immediately swept his young lover into a searing kiss.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured against the younger man’s lips. “I hate it when we fight.”

Xander gave him a crooked grin. “But making up is so much fun.” He sighed. “I would have been fine, you know.”

“Yeah, you probably would’ve. But do you understand that I don’t want to risk the probablies. Not with you.” He placed one last kiss on Xander’s forehead before pulling away. Angel noted with a smile the blush that had settled over the boy’s cheeks.

“You really don’t have to worry about me Angel.” Xander said quietly. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my years as a Slayerette it’s how to avoid trouble.” He frowned as the vampire doubled over in laughter. “What’s so funny?”


“One centimeter equals a mile my ass.” Xander grumbled.

“Are you sure we’re going in the right direction?”

“Yes.” Xander said defensively

Angel sighed. “We’re going to have to find something eventually. I mean it’s 1999 in America. Isn’t there a law that says there has to be a 24-hour convenience store every fifteen miles.”

“Well it’s too bad we can’t scout from the air, but *someone* can’t turn into a bat.”

Angel stopped walking and glared at his lover. “I’m going to really pretend I didn’t hear that.”


“It’s how much!?” Angel stared in shock at the mechanic. He and Xander were standing in Smithfield's only garage, their car fixed and ready.

The mechanic regarded him calmly. “Three hundred and fifty dollars.”

“For what?”

“Labor, mostly.”

“What labor!? I changed the tire!” Angel’s voice was getting dangerously close to a roar.

The man folded his arms. “I towed your car in here and got the tire down for you. That’s labor. Not to mention we closed ten minutes ago. There is such a thing as overtime.”

Xander caught the slightly yellow glint in his lover’s eyes and put a hand on the vampire’s shoulder.

“Look.” Xander peered at the mechanic’s shirt. “Roy. I’m sure we can work something out.”

“Yep. You can pay me three hundred and seventy five dollars.”

Xander’s fingers dug into Angel’s shirt. “You said three fifty.”

Roy began to chew on a seemingly well used toothpick. “That was then, this is now and every minute you folks keep me here the price is goin’ up.”

“Oh that’s it.” Angel threw his hands in the air. “Soul or no soul, this guy’s dinner.” He growled as his handsome features twisted into his gameface. Roy made a gurgling sound as a clawed hand grabbed his throat.

“Angel no!” Xander yelled in alarm. “You can’t kill him.”

“Why not?” Angel snarled.

“Sure you’ll have fun tonight, but you’ll hate yourself in the morning and I really don’t think I could stand you becoming more broody.”

“So, I can’t kill him?”


“Can I maim him?”

Xander thought for a moment. “Yeah, maiming’s okay.”

“Wait!” Roy croaked out.

“How much?” The teen asked him.

“Two fif-ack.” He was cut off as the vampire’s hold tightened.

“Try again.” Angel said through tightly clenched fangs.

“Okay, okay. Eighty for the tire, fifty for the tow, and I’ll forget the overtime.”

“That’s better.” Angel released the mechanic as his gameface melted away. He took out his wallet and placed a few bills on the counter. “Oh, and by the way, if you tell anyone about this I’ll rip your spine out through your nostrils.” He flashed his fangs. “We clear?”

Roy stared at him with wide eyes.

“I’d say yes if I were you.” Xander advised.

“Y-y-yes. Yes sir. Completely clear sir.” Roy nodded obediently.

“Good. Xander, time to go.”

The teen sighed at his undead love. “What am I gonna do with you Deadboy?”


“I don’t get it.”

Angel took his eyes off the road for a minute to glance at the boy. “Get what?”

“What you said.”

“Want to clarify that? I mean I know I don’t talk a lot but. . .”

Xander frowned. “How can you take someone’s spine out through their nose? Is that even physically possible?”


“I mean you’d have to kind of twist your arm and reach down. . .”


“And by the time you do that there really wouldn’t be much of a nose left. . .”

“Xander.” Angel said firmly. “The point was to frighten the little prick. It didn’t have to make sense.”

“Yeah, but why his spine through his nose? Why not his liver or his spleen, I bet that would hurt. . .”

Angel let out a deep sigh. “I think I miss my trunk.”