When Greenery Attacks
Summary: Tim’s virtue is put to the test.
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. And, at times like these, they’re probably very thankful for that.
Rating: PG13
This was originally supposed to be this short little drabble for [info] thete1 cliche challenge, but, well, it kind of spiraled out of control, and.. here you go!  Thanks go to Charles for the beta, and putting up with the amazing, growing sex pollen fic. *g*

It’s not that Tim didn’t know about sex. He’d had The Talk. Several times, actually, from various different sources. The poor boy still had occasional nightsweats regarding Batman’s version.

Not surprisingly, it was Dick who had provided the most in depth and comprehensive coverage of the act of coitus. Male, female, oral, anal, the joys of accessories… Tim hadn’t been able to look him in the eye for a good two weeks afterward.

However, for all of his knowledge on the subject, Tim was still very much lacking in experience. But he had the sinking feeling that if he didn’t think of something soon, that particular aspect of his education would be taken care of also.

Superman wasn’t currently looking like the type of person that was going to take no for an answer.

It had started out innocently enough. Robin had accepted an invitation to join Superman in Metropolis for a few days. He thought it would be nice to get out of Gotham for a while. Knowing it would make Batman stew, was just icing.

Like most heroes, Robin’s was a busman’s holiday. It was different, swinging around a city during the day. It was really different to have people hanging out of windows to wave at him as he passed.

Superman seemed to garner some sort of amusement from his situation.

It was nice. Good. Tim felt almost... nearly... happy. It was a very odd feeling.

He knew it wouldn’t last. But, if anyone had tried to tell him just how his good mood would come to a screeching halt, he would have knocked them out, restrained them, and dumped the loony bastard at Arkham.

“Superman, you need to stop. Just, stay right where you are.” Robin slowly backed away from the advancing man. “You really don’t want to do this!”

“You’re pretty.”

“Oh, God.” Tim’s eyes darted around him, looking for any possible escape route. They were surrounded by tables and tables of innocuous looking plants. Tim knew that jarring any of them, even slightly, would release more of their salacious spore into the air. His re-breather was empty. This was not good.

“You need to listen. You don’t want me, you want her!” Robin pointed a gloved finger to Poison Ivy, who was watching the proceedings with an unhealthy glee.

Superman glanced at the villainess, and grimaced. “No, I want you.”

Tim closed his eyes for a moment. “No, I mean, she’s the one you’re after. The one we’re after. You want to put her in jail.”

“Yes, and I will.”

Tim let out a deep breath.

“After we’re done having sex.”

“What?! No!”

But, Robin’s protests were for naught. In the blink of an eye, Superman had crossed the space between them, grabbed the teenager by the arms, and pulled him in close to his body. “Nice.” He rumbled approvingly.


“Sorry, Robin.” Poison Ivy did not sound sorry. “The effects from the pollen last for at least an hour... Just relax and try not to fight Big Blue too much."

Tim squeaked as a big, strong hand planted itself firmly on his ass. “You are a sick, sick, SICK person, Ivy.”

“Hey, don’t blame me for this. Let’s not forget who broke into whose secret lair here, Boy Wonder.” Ivy snapped. Then, slowly, seductively, she smiled. “Well, as much as I’d love to stay for the deflowering, I must be going.” She waved as she hurried out of the greenhouse. “Wait til I tell Harl about this...”

“Dammit!” Tim struggled against The Man of Steel. “She’s getting away!”

Clark shrugged. “I’ll catch her later.”

“You could catch her now?”

“But, then you’d get away.” Clark smiled. “And I have a feeling you’d be much harder to track down than Ivy.”

“Thanks, I think. Maybe.” Tim wiggled some more. “Why are you affected by this, anyhow?”

Clark kept one hand on Tim’s ass, and used his other to maneuver the human’s head to one side so he could nuzzle at the creamy skin of his neck. “It probably has something to do with the Kryptonite I’m sensing. You smell good.”


“I said, you smell good. Is that sandalwood?”

“Huh? What, no! Kryptonite?!”

“Oh, that.” Clark took one last whiff, then pulled back so he could look his soon-to-be paramour in the eye. “I sensed a trace amount as soon as I entered the greenhouse.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Clark shrugged. “It shouldn’t have been enough to do any damage.”

“I think you were wrong.”

Clark smiled again. “Yes. Ivy must have somehow discovered a way to supplement the plants with the Kryptonite. It was a smart thing to do since she was working in my city.”

“"And it's radioactive. Exposure to the rocks can be deadly for humans. Imagine what would happen if you started snorting the stuff..." Tim shook his head. “Death by sex pollen.”


Without warning, Tim felt himself being lifted into the air.


“Hush.” Clark wrapped his cape around the young man as they broke through the glass ceiling of the greenhouse. Seconds later they were floating at a respectable height above Ivy’s now not-so-secret lair. Clark could feel Tim start to struggle again. He placed a hand on Tim’s head. “Keep your eyes closed. This’ll just take a minute.”

Twin beams of pure heat shot from Superman’s eyes. They hit the warehouse with concussive force, obliterating everything in their path. Within minutes, the contents of Ivy’s greenhouse were destroyed.

“Can I look yet?” Tim’s muffled voice asked.

Clark allowed the teen to view the flora carnage.

“Uh, that’s nice and all, but...”

“The Metropolis PD has a hazmat team that can handle the rest.”

“Oh. Okay. Now, about Ivy-“



“Be quiet now.” Clark began to fly them back towards the city.

Tim kept his mouth shut, but his mind was working a mile a minute. Clark had been infected roughly ten minutes ago, which, if Ivy was right, meant he had about fifty more minutes of being the object of affection for the amorous alien. There’s no way he’d be able to stall for that long.

The journey to Clark’s apartment didn’t take nearly as long as Tim had hoped. They landed lightly on the balcony, and without a word, Clark led him through the living room and into the bedroom.

Clark stared hard at the younger man. “Take off your suit.”

Tim’s thought were wild. Suddenly he latched onto one that might just work. “What about Lois?”

“She’s visiting her mother.”

“No, I mean, Lois is your wife. Don’t you think you should try and burn off this excess, er, energy with her?”

Clark scowled. “I don’t want Lois, I want you. Now, take off your suit.”

“But, don’t you think-“

“Either you take it off and it stays intact, or I take it off, and it doesn’t.”

Tim pulled off his gauntlets first, then his shaking fingers went to work on his cape. His immediate future looked bleak. “What- what are you planning on doing?”

Clark raised an eyebrow.

“To me,” Tim swallowed. “I don’t know if you’ve ever been with a guy before, but, there are certain… things we’ll need.”

Clark blinked. “There are? Like what?”

“Well... lube, for one thing.”

“There’s lotion in the bathroom.”

“No, no, that’s not good enough. I need something... special.”

“Special?” Clark’s eyes narrowed.

“Yes. I’m very... sensitive. Down there. Very sensitive.”


“Oh, yes. Without the proper, uh, stuff, there’ll be hives.”


“And, pus.”


”And, uh... itching.”

“Oh, that’s not good.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Well, what can we use?”


“We don’t have to use anything? I thought you said-”

"No! I mean yes, I mean... there's nothing we can use. So... we can't do that."

“Oh.” Clark sank onto the bed. “I really wanted to do that.” He looked so dejected that, for a moment, Tim thought about saying ‘fuck it’ and letting the big guy go ahead and screw him. Just for a moment.

“Yeah, too bad.” Tim picked up his cape, and gloves. “Well, I’m just going to go.” He began backing out of the bedroom. “The authorities really need to be notified about those plants, and Batman should be told what Ivy’s been up to.” Tim turned around, and ran into a large, spandex covered chest. He looked back at the empty bed, and then at the figure in front of him. “Jeez.”

Clark grinned. Sometimes it really paid to come from another planet. He tangled one hand in Tim’s hair, and before a single protest could be made, he had pulled the younger man in for a kiss.

Tim had experiences being kissed before, but now all comparisons flew out the window. Clark was good. Very, very, very good. There were soft lips, and sharp teeth, and Tim had been previously unaware that your brain could be sucked out through your tongue.

Clark pulled back just far enough to murmur against Tim’s mouth. “What else could we do?”

“You could kiss me again.” Tim’s eyes widened. “I mean, uh-“

Too late. Tim once again found himself crushed against the older man. Body to body. Mouth to mouth. And, what a body! What a mouth! Maybe that sex pollen stuff wasn’t half bad.

No, no, “No!” Tim gasped as he managed to twist his head away from Clark’s. “This is wrong. I can’t take advantage of you like this.”

Clark looked askew. “Excuse me?”

Tim was resolute. “I won’t take advantage of you.”

“You... uh...” Clark let go of the teen, and took a step back. “What?”

Tim shook his head. “I’m sorry. You’ve been affected by the pollen, me doing anything to you... well, it just wouldn’t be right.”

“Oh.” Clark shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

“I know, Clark.” Tim laid a gentle hand on the bigger man’s shoulder. “You’re too good for me.”

“Well, I don’t think-“

“No, you are.” Tim sighed. “I’m just going to go, before I do something I might regret.”

Clark’s brow was furrowed. “If you think that’s best.”

“I do.” Tim patted Clark’s upper arm, and walked out of the room.

“Geez.” Clark scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Poor kid. I hope he... Wait a minute... Robin!”


Gotham City. Dark. Dreary. Dark. Depressing. Dark. Home.

Batman and Robin were in the cave checking over their gear for that night’s patrol. The silence was amiable, the tension level relatively low, or so Tim thought.

“I spoke with Superman yesterday.”

Tim tensed. “Oh. Really?”


Tim finished loading up his belt. If Batman was fishing, he wasn’t going to rise to the bait.

“He seemed rather concerned about you.” Batman didn’t pause in his preparations. His moves were seamless, his attitude, disarming, his intentions black as his pointy little ears.

“Huh.” Tim said noncommittally. He didn’t want to seem too anxious. Then, again, he also didn’t want to seem too blasé either. “That’s nice.”


“So, which area are we hitting tonight?” Tim looked up at his partner, and was momentarily shaken upon finding himself on the receiving end of one of The Batman’s infamous ‘Tell Me What I Want To Know Or Bleed’ stares. “Bruce?”

“Is there something I should know that you haven’t told me, Tim?”

Tim pretended to think. “No. I don’t... No. Nothing.”

Bruce continued staring at him. “I see.”

The silence was loaded. The tension level, excruciatingly high.

Tim held out for roughly forty seconds.

“Superman got exposed to Ivy’s pollen!”

Batman reared back a bit, as much from his protégé’s outburst, as the contents of the statement. “But how...”

Tim slumped against the work table. “Ivy had laced the plants with Kryptonite.”

“Kryptonite?!” Batman was dangerously close to being livid, and things got broken when Batman was livid.

Seeing as how one of Alfred’s favorite china tea sets was in throwing distance, Tim thought it best to try and diffuse the situation. “I, uh...” Except, he didn’t quite know how.

“Wait.” As impossible as it seemed, Batman’s gaze doubled in intensity. “*He* was affected by the plants? A being with Superman’s powers was compromised by Poison Ivy, and you didn’t bother to tell me about it?”


“Your first priority should have been to contact me.”

“In retrospect, I realize that. But at the time I was a little too busy to do anything other than fend off his advances.”


“The drug that Ivy was manufacturing wasn’t for mind control, it was for... your... libido.”


“She made sex pollen, Bruce!”

Batman blinked. "And Clark was...”

“All over me!”

“I... see.” Batman thought for a moment. Tim could practically see the microprocessors whirring in his head. “Well, is your honor still intact, or is there to be a batarang wedding?”

Tim glared at his mentor. “I handled it. I mean, I didn’t handle *it*, I... oh, never mind.”

Batman smirked at his flustered protégé. There were few things that Batman found to be truly entertaining, but the thought of Tim being chased around Metropolis by a randy Superman made it onto that list.

"Are you ready?" Tim was no Bat, not yet, but he had been working on his glare. Not that it did much good against someone like Bruce.


Tim sighed and headed toward the Batmobile. This was gong to be a long night, he could tell.