Title: Shiver Me Timbers
Summary: When dress up goes wrong
Rating: Adult
Warnings: RPS, non betaed, written in half an hour

"You look ridiculous."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You look ridiculous."

Viggo cocked his head. "I look ridiculous?"

"Yes." Orlando gestured violently. "Or, to be more exact, between the do-rag, the mustache, the football shirt, and the smiley face boxers you look like a fucking loon!"

Viggo crossed his arms over his chest and glared dispassionately at his younger lover. "Before you descend into a full blow snit-"

"I Do Not Have Snits!"

"-may I remind you, this was your idea." Viggo adopted a falsetto and a rather poor British accent. "Oh, Vig, we both have a few days off, let's play pirates!" He clasped his hands together and batted his eyelashes.

Orlando's eyes narrowed. "Bastard. I have never done that," He copied Viggo's pose, "in my life! But, yes, I said let's play *pirates* not escaped mental patients!"

"What did you want me to do, steal my costume?"

"Of course not, but you could have made a little effort."

Viggo patted his covered head. "I put on the bandanna."

Orlando gifted him with a withering look. "I've seen the pictures, you wanker! An open white shirt with some brown trousers. Brown trousers, Viggo! Was that too much to hope for?"

"Evidently." The older man said. Viggo knew that sex between them was still a given, but he wondered how much work he was going to have to put into getting it now.

"You look very nice." He offered.

Orlando snorted.

"Your shirt is very... poofy."

"It's flowing."



"Babe, it's as poofy as you are."

"I... You..." Orlando blinked. "Are you trying to make things better or worse, because I really can't  tell."

Viggo spread his hands in defeat. "Fine. What would you like me to do?"

"Get in your closet and don't come out until you're a proper pirate!" Orlando watched the older man shuffle across the bedroom, and then readjusted his poof, er flowing, *flowing*, shirt to show the most advantageous view of his golden chest. "I have never
had a *snit* in my life." He huffed.

Viggo suddenly appeared wearing the same garb he had before.

Orlando raised an eyebrow. "Do you need me to help you dress yourself?" He asked snidely.

Viggo ignored him and started to prowl around the room "It occurred to me," He said, "a proper pirate, as you so sweetly asked me to become, wouldn't give a fuck what he was wearing."

Orlando stiffened, in more ways than one, when he saw the familiar gleam in his lover's eyes.

"A proper pirate only cares about pillaging." Viggo began to unbutton his god awful shirt. "Plundering." He shrugged out of the material and pushed his boxers down over his hips. "Pressganging."

Orlando frowned. "That doesn't-"

"Shut your mouth. I couldn't think of anything else that started with 'P'."


"Now," Viggo stood naked, save for his bandanna, fists on his hips, cock proudly jutting out, ready for conquest. "tie down your mizzenmast and prepare to give up your booty. You're about to be boarded."

Orlando was torn between wanting to laugh his head off, and throwing himself on the bed yelling 'Yes, take me!'. But he wanted Viggo to work just a little harder for his bounty. "Wait!" He held up his hands to slow his advancing, amorous scallywag. "Say all of that again." He licked his lips "In Spanish."